Top Ten Social Skills
Stephen Elliott, Vanderbilt Peabody education and psychology researcher and co-author of the newly published The Social Skills Improvement System—Classwide Intervention Program, identified the top 10 skills that students need to succeed based on surveys of over 8,000 teachers and over 20 years of research in classrooms across the country. This was taken from the Vanderbilt University News.
1. Listen to others 6. Take turns when you talk 2. Follow the steps 7. Get along with others 3. Follow the rules 8. Stay calm with others 4. Ignore distractions 9. Be responsible for your behavior 5. Ask for help 10. Do nice things for others Below are some activities to try…I will be adding more as time permits. Top 10 Social Skills and Activities
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With some children, social skills come easily. Others, need to be taught the skills and they must be practiced until they become a natural habit.
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1. Listen to Others
1. Skill Steps:
1. Look at the person who is talking and remain quiet.
2. Wait until the person is finished talking before you speak.
3. Show that you heard the speaker by nodding your head, and using positive phrases, such as “Okay” or “I understand.”
2. Try this at home...Practice talking with your child with a purpose in mind. Plan to help them listen to you and ask them questions about what
you have said. You can also ask your child to follow your directions after they listen to you. This can even be used as a game. Before telling your
child something important, eliminate all potential distractions.
3. Making impulsive threats when a child doesn't listen, such as "Do this right now, or I'm going to ground you!" is another common mistake parents
make. This can create a no-win situation, because kids resent being forced to give in. As a result, they often get angry and end up focusing on that
anger instead of concentrating on what you asked them to do.
4. Click here for a video on How to Listen.
5. Click here for a Great little story!
2. Follow the Steps
3. Skill Steps:
1. Look at the person and listen carefully
2. Ask Questions about anything you do not understand
3. Repeat the steps
4. Carry out the Steps
2. The more you nag, the less kids listen. So help you student practice following steps by reminding them about Listening to Others. Then, give
clear and precise directions. Start small, maybe 2 steps then 3. Carry this out with intention on practicing, not when you are desperate to have
them complete a task. Kids learn more from gentle practice than from time pressured learning with negative consequences.
Remember, this is training.
3. After you give the child a couple of steps to try, have them repeat them back to you before practicing. Simon Says and Red Light, Green Light. a
scavenger hunt around the house is a great way to play and learn.
4. Here is a fun song for young kids. Follow Directions video.
1. Look at the person and listen carefully
2. Ask Questions about anything you do not understand
3. Repeat the steps
4. Carry out the Steps
2. The more you nag, the less kids listen. So help you student practice following steps by reminding them about Listening to Others. Then, give
clear and precise directions. Start small, maybe 2 steps then 3. Carry this out with intention on practicing, not when you are desperate to have
them complete a task. Kids learn more from gentle practice than from time pressured learning with negative consequences.
Remember, this is training.
3. After you give the child a couple of steps to try, have them repeat them back to you before practicing. Simon Says and Red Light, Green Light. a
scavenger hunt around the house is a great way to play and learn.
4. Here is a fun song for young kids. Follow Directions video.
3. Follow the Rules
1. Skill Steps:
1. Make sure you understand the rules.
2. Ask the teacher if you need help.
3. Think about your choices.
4. Follow the rule of the school.
2. For practice at home, provide a framework of basic rules for your child to follow. Explain to your child that rules are important for keeping people
safe and happy. Institute natural consequences for misbehavior to teach children lessons. Utilize consistent expectations about the rules you’ve
instituted. Enforce the rules consistently, every time, so your children learn what you expect. This eliminates any uncertainty or doubt in kids’ minds
about what is acceptable and unacceptable.
Start the year for young kids with this video. Back to School: Follow the Rules
3. Here is a fun song for young kids. Follow the Rules video
1. Make sure you understand the rules.
2. Ask the teacher if you need help.
3. Think about your choices.
4. Follow the rule of the school.
2. For practice at home, provide a framework of basic rules for your child to follow. Explain to your child that rules are important for keeping people
safe and happy. Institute natural consequences for misbehavior to teach children lessons. Utilize consistent expectations about the rules you’ve
instituted. Enforce the rules consistently, every time, so your children learn what you expect. This eliminates any uncertainty or doubt in kids’ minds
about what is acceptable and unacceptable.
Start the year for young kids with this video. Back to School: Follow the Rules
3. Here is a fun song for young kids. Follow the Rules video
4. Ignore Distractions
1. Skill Steps:
1. Count to five.
2. Say, “I won’t look. I’ll keep on working.”
3. Continue to work.
4. Say, “Good for me. I did it!”
2. Here is a video to show the right and wrong way to ignore distractions. Ignore Distractions video
1. Count to five.
2. Say, “I won’t look. I’ll keep on working.”
3. Continue to work.
4. Say, “Good for me. I did it!”
2. Here is a video to show the right and wrong way to ignore distractions. Ignore Distractions video
5. Ask for Help
1. Skill Steps:
1. Look at the person.
2. Ask the person if he or she has time to help you.
3. Clearly explain the kind of help you need.
4. Thank the person for helping.
2.
1. Look at the person.
2. Ask the person if he or she has time to help you.
3. Clearly explain the kind of help you need.
4. Thank the person for helping.
2.
6. Take Turns when Talking
1. Skill Steps:
2. Taking turns is one of the most critical social skills needed in day-to-day life. Turn taking is necessary when it comes to developing friendships,
communicating with others and playing games.
3. Make the language of turn taking familiar and usable for your child. Routinely use simple language to describe turn taking: My turn, your turn.
4. Take some of the arguing out of turn taking by using a timer. There is no one to accuse of being not fair if everyone gets the same amount of time.
5. Modeling can be very helpful to teaching your child how to take turns. Enlist the help of a sibling or another child and act out appropriate behavior.
Show your child how you are taking turns playing a game, talking to another, using the computer etc.
6. Board Games are fun ways to work on turn taking. Ker Plunk by Mattel and Don’t Break the Ice by Hasbro – are great beginning board games
7. It may be beneficial for your child to have a security object or an object to “stim” with if they get agitated waiting for their turn. If they can keep
their hands busy or their focus off the time they need to wait until it is there turn then that will help to alleviate some of that tension.
2. Taking turns is one of the most critical social skills needed in day-to-day life. Turn taking is necessary when it comes to developing friendships,
communicating with others and playing games.
3. Make the language of turn taking familiar and usable for your child. Routinely use simple language to describe turn taking: My turn, your turn.
4. Take some of the arguing out of turn taking by using a timer. There is no one to accuse of being not fair if everyone gets the same amount of time.
5. Modeling can be very helpful to teaching your child how to take turns. Enlist the help of a sibling or another child and act out appropriate behavior.
Show your child how you are taking turns playing a game, talking to another, using the computer etc.
6. Board Games are fun ways to work on turn taking. Ker Plunk by Mattel and Don’t Break the Ice by Hasbro – are great beginning board games
7. It may be beneficial for your child to have a security object or an object to “stim” with if they get agitated waiting for their turn. If they can keep
their hands busy or their focus off the time they need to wait until it is there turn then that will help to alleviate some of that tension.
7. Get Along with Others
1. Skill Steps
1. Think about what you can do to get along with others.
2. Say nice things when you want to be included.
3. Do something nice by including others or asking them to join in.
4. Smile to show people that you are friendly and nice.
2. Great YouTube Video made by Kids! Get Along with Others
3. A pretty long cartoon video. Kids guide to Getting Along
1. Think about what you can do to get along with others.
2. Say nice things when you want to be included.
3. Do something nice by including others or asking them to join in.
4. Smile to show people that you are friendly and nice.
2. Great YouTube Video made by Kids! Get Along with Others
3. A pretty long cartoon video. Kids guide to Getting Along
8. Stay Calm with Others
1. Skill Steps
2. Make a plan...Too much change in one fell swoop is overwhelming for anyone, especially a little kid. Deal with anxiety before it occurs.
3. Anger Control includes leading the child through identifying triggers, physical cues, anger reduction techniques, and self-instructional reminders
3. Strategies
2. Make a plan...Too much change in one fell swoop is overwhelming for anyone, especially a little kid. Deal with anxiety before it occurs.
3. Anger Control includes leading the child through identifying triggers, physical cues, anger reduction techniques, and self-instructional reminders
3. Strategies
- Removing yourself from the situation briefly when you cannot access your key strategies can also help you to quiet your emotions.
- Deep breathing can help to clear your mind.
- Practicing relaxing techniques often can help to prepare you for reacting in a challenging situation.
- We are more likely to successfully solve problems when we remain calm.
- Pausing before we react by counting to ten, focusing on positive words and images and breathing deeply are good strategies.
9. Be Responsible for Your Behavior
1. Skill Steps
1. Listen to the complaint against you
2. Decide if you behaved in an inappropriate way
3. If so, apologize for your behavior and make it right
4. Make certain you learn from your mistake and do not repeat the incident
2. Set an example and standard of responsible behavior, assign responsibility in small steps, use natural and logical consequences,
3. A responsible child know his actions have a consequence…good and bad. Good character is molded.
1. Listen to the complaint against you
2. Decide if you behaved in an inappropriate way
3. If so, apologize for your behavior and make it right
4. Make certain you learn from your mistake and do not repeat the incident
2. Set an example and standard of responsible behavior, assign responsibility in small steps, use natural and logical consequences,
3. A responsible child know his actions have a consequence…good and bad. Good character is molded.
10. Do Nice Things for Others
1. Skill Steps
1. Ask yourself if the person wants or needs help
2. Decide if it is something you can do, if not, try something else
3. Carry out your plan with a good attitude and genuine care
4. Don't expect a thank you; you may not get one…but your kindness is enough for you to be happy with yourself
5. Always look for ways to be kind to others
2. You can offer to help a classmate, give a compliment, share your materials, suggest an activity to play, help a friend carry materials and
many other Friendship Making Social Skills.
3. Kind people are the best kind of people. ~Author Unknown
4. Very cute video on good things to say. Come on, watch this one!!! Things we should say more often
1. Ask yourself if the person wants or needs help
2. Decide if it is something you can do, if not, try something else
3. Carry out your plan with a good attitude and genuine care
4. Don't expect a thank you; you may not get one…but your kindness is enough for you to be happy with yourself
5. Always look for ways to be kind to others
2. You can offer to help a classmate, give a compliment, share your materials, suggest an activity to play, help a friend carry materials and
many other Friendship Making Social Skills.
3. Kind people are the best kind of people. ~Author Unknown
4. Very cute video on good things to say. Come on, watch this one!!! Things we should say more often